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HomeOff Topics › On a serious note
11-20-2011 05:49 PM  6 years agoPost 21
eagleinthesmoke

rrApprentice

Burleson,Tx

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Going through this same thing. My ex and I have been separated for a year and half. I believe she is having that midlife thing. I tried for awhile to get her to work on things but finally gave up and did my own thing. I got into rc helis at this point. I have our 3yr old daughter. When we first separated we were doing week on week off. Then it went to every other weekend to once every three weeks. Now we are at the point were in the last eight week she has had her for one 24hr period. I really feel bad for my daughter because I never wanted her to go through this. I came from a single parent family never knowing my father.

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11-20-2011 06:47 PM  6 years agoPost 22
Bouchah

rrKey Veteran

Willow Spring, N. Carolina USA

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Can anyone recognize the commonality of what is missing : NEUTRAL
I disagree, speaking for myself anyway.

Blade 130x (5)
Trex 550 V2 (18)
Shuttle ZXX
Freya Xspec (20)

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11-21-2011 04:05 PM  6 years agoPost 23
Mike545

rrVeteran

gettysburg, pa

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in reply to some, am I a saint?, no, do I have issues? yep. But I want to go to a conceler,priest, monk, whoever, talk to a professional, get help. I want to see where I could have been a better husband, what mistakes ive made and how not to repeat them. Im willing to do what it takes. take it to another level, see what her wants and desires are. I cant make someone change, only they can. I always say there are three sides of the story, mine, hers, and the truth. At the end, if someone dosesnt want to be in a marriage, I cant make them. I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants me in it with them.

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-21-2011 05:47 PM  6 years agoPost 24
Bouchah

rrKey Veteran

Willow Spring, N. Carolina USA

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Mike, I hope I did not offend you with my post, that was not the intention at all. I realize none of us are saints but living our lives day to day, we get caught up in it all and forget the important stuff. I was merely saying that even though you feel you are paying attention to her needs, she may see it in a different light. Without good communication between the two of you it is easy to grow apart.

My wife has been going through a bout the past few months as well, it is not as serious as your situation yet, but I dont want to give it a chance to get there either. She is bored, we dont spend enough time together, I spend too much time doing whatever. After watching the movie I suggested you may want to look at, "Fire Proof", I wondered if my wife was telling me something by wanting to watch the movie with me. She said she had no Idea what it was about. I am recently making sure to pay closer attention to alot more of my actions and behavior towards her, as well as hers towards me, to make sure I am not missing something just in case. I love my wife very much but not sure if I show it all the time the way she may want to see it. I am making a better effort to show her how much she means to me.

Again, good luck to all three of you.

Blade 130x (5)
Trex 550 V2 (18)
Shuttle ZXX
Freya Xspec (20)

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11-21-2011 08:29 PM  6 years agoPost 25
Mike545

rrVeteran

gettysburg, pa

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no offense taken, i realized I need to attend to her needs more. we were growing apart, slowly and silently.

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-21-2011 08:51 PM  6 years agoPost 26
DougCart

rrNovice

Port Charlotte, FL

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Most of the time, if couples have been together for some time, and grew apart during that time,trying to hold onto them isnt going to make it any better.
An old (ex)girlfriend of mine told me about an old song from .38 special,Hold on Loosely.....i still think about that girlfriend every time I hear it.

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11-21-2011 09:57 PM  6 years agoPost 27
127.0.0.1

rrNovice

USA

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Please don't take my post as an attack. I am simply giving advice as someone's son, husband, and father...that's all. Nothing personal.

Reading your posts it seems that you have no realistic expectation of saving your marriage. I say this because, as an observation, you refer to yoursituation in the past tense.
I want to see where I could have been a better husband
what mistakes ive made
Again, not a judgment, just an observation.

By no means and I a counselor or therapist or anything like that. But my advice is this; if you really want to fix this, own up to the mistakes you are making (notice the verb tense).

It always bothers me to hear people make "relationship issues" out be the other person's decision to end a relationship. It doesn't automatically work like that. There is something that you're doing that doesn't jive with what she wants. It may pass, it may not. As some others have said, it may be that she wants to accomplish something in life and she may feel like she can't do it in your current situation. As an example to what you are "doing", if this was the situation, she may not feel that you are willing to change to support here needs.

Bottom line is this; people don't just change. There's a reason for it. If you truly want to improve your relationship, start with yourself. I'm going to guess that her "midlife crisis" was a product of the snowball effect, and didn't just come out of the blue.

One more thing, and this is the toughest to enforce (IMO). Don't let your opinion of your wife's place in life affect your daughter. Let your daughter form her own opinions and it's up to you (as her father) to rationalize or quantify those opinions. Don't always justify and agree with her bad thoughts. Trust me, this will only damage the relationship you have with your wife, and may cause resentment from your daughter in the future.

Sorry for such a long post, but being the offspring of a nasty divorce I get a little passionate about stuff. Either way, I hope this helps you somehow...Sorry for your current position.

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

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