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HomeOff Topics › On a serious note
11-17-2011 10:29 PM  6 years agoPost 1
Mike545

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gettysburg, pa

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Some of you may know me, some not. Im asking for advice not ribbing. My wife of 16years is going through a mid life crisis. She is 42years old, and ready to throw all away, and put our dauther through heck, until she knows what she wants. Any advice from any man or woman that has been through this on how I could survice and possibly save my marriage. Ive sold all my heli stuff, been concentrating on the marriage full tilt, but no hope.

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-17-2011 10:37 PM  6 years agoPost 2
DougCart

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Port Charlotte, FL

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Unfortunately you may have to just let her go and find what she is seeking.Trying to stop her will only make her want to leave even more.Just stay strong for your daughter.

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11-17-2011 10:42 PM  6 years agoPost 3
Mike545

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gettysburg, pa

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Doug, from what I read, Im supposed to do just that, live life to the fullest, and be the best father I can, and let her run her course, good or bad. Either way I cant change her course, she has too want it.

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-17-2011 11:01 PM  6 years agoPost 4
DougCart

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Port Charlotte, FL

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Exactly right,you will look back at this and how you handle it,and realize that it was the best thing you could have done whether or not she comes back to you or not.

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11-17-2011 11:09 PM  6 years agoPost 5
Mike545

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gettysburg, pa

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thats the painfull part, my daugter and I are paying the price, right now the wife is so self centered.

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-17-2011 11:15 PM  6 years agoPost 6
Steff Giguere

rrProfessor

St-Eustache, Quebec, Canada

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One on my good friends went through the same thing. Unfortunately she left, he concentrated on this children and gave himself a bread once in a while...he told me that he was straight with her, telling her that he did not agree with the way she was acting and that he was afraid that would end their relationship which it did. He now found someone else and is very happy with her and his children....and he told me this week-end that his ex woke-up around one month ago and tried to come back....he told he that it was too late.
Good luck.

Team Synergy, Rail blades, Team Scorpion, V-Team

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11-17-2011 11:43 PM  6 years agoPost 7
Mike545

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gettysburg, pa

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Man, I hear that story alot

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-18-2011 12:10 AM  6 years agoPost 8
GMPheli

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W. Bridgewater, MA USA

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Man I been there and all I can tell you is it is not easy. I think the worst thing you can do is give her space and hope that she will get through it. I did this and she just got worse. Sit down and rationally tell her that she needs to make a decision. Never yell. Always keep cool. Your daughter is going to have an extremely hard time with this. If you both are yelling then she will feel that she has no one. It is bad enough that she will be feeling abandoned by her mother. Unfortunately she is going to be forced to grow up very quickly. You have to be the strong one as it is clear she is not. I know this sounds terrible, but even better than talking to her is to e-mail her. This way you have proof if you do go for a divorce. Document whatever you can as you will need it if you want to get custody. You are very vulnerable now and need to protect yourself. Courts generally side with the Mom so you will need hard proof. Your number 1 priority right now has to be your daughter! You will get through this, and when all is said and done you will be very glad that you took the high road.
Good Luck!

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11-18-2011 12:25 AM  6 years agoPost 9
Mike545

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gettysburg, pa

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I have consulted a lawyer, im tring to take the high road, but after 1 year, its getting hard.

"always feel thankful..... never entitled"

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11-18-2011 12:34 AM  6 years agoPost 10
mr dan

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Stockton Calif

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I really feel for you, sorry this had to happen. A very close friend of mine went through a situation like this thinking it was a mid life crisis... turned out she wanted out and it went that way. She ended up with someone else within a week after they split up. I know what Im saying to you is harsh but Im telling you this to prepare yourself for what you may not see coming or may be the case right now. You have to live your life for you and your daughter, your'e a man and sacrafice is what we do! Time for you to let go and take a deep breath and look at your daughter smile, tell her you love her and continue to take care of her as you are doing! When she becomes a young woman and leaves the house, she will remember YOU and the lengths YOU went through to raise her and protect her, the sacrafices YOU made. Dont get angry and let this consume you, ask yourself this...
"if I had to choose between my wife or my chid?" the choice is obvious! You child is your's forever.

"R.I.P Roman" Citizen 0094 in the Nation

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11-18-2011 12:50 AM  6 years agoPost 11
Crashr30

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DFW

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Best thing to do....
Focus on and love your daughter with all you can. It time permits by a heli and get back into something you enjoy. Do not chase your wife. It may very well be over so try to accept it and just live your life for yourself and your daughter. Once she sees that you have moved on she will either figure it out or move on. Bottom line is you can not change what is going on in her head. Walk away and let her see you on your own. It may shock her back into reality. Seen it before.

Team Synergy RC, Team Bobby Jacks, PowerMaster Fuels, Team Scorpion, YS Engines

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11-18-2011 01:02 AM  6 years agoPost 12
Chuck Bole

rrElite Veteran

Tulsa Ok. U.S.A.

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Went through the same. Started when our Daughter was born in 1990.
Five years later and a bunch of BS (from both of us i'm ashamed to say) it was over, dead and stinking. I was told to leave now and did.
She had her new guy moved in within a few days if not the same night..
She had the kids, 2 sons and 1 daughter. After 6 or 7 months she decided she didn't want to be a mommy any more. So off she went again. I pretty much raised them myself with a lot of help from the
ex-inlaws.. Weird i know but seemed to work out in the end.. She's
married now and don't usually see her more than once or twice a year.
Worst part of the whole thing is what it did to the kids.. They always get the shaft. Long story short.. Cover your back side legal wise, and be there for your daughter.. If she's (Wife) self centered and thinking of herself only.. Best to just cut her loose and try to move on as painlessly as possible..
Just my opinion...

chuck

Team Synergy Field Representative / Thunder Power

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11-18-2011 02:49 AM  6 years agoPost 13
Helizrule

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Lake Ariel, PA

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Mike, sorry to hear it's still not working out. I'd keep track of everything in a notepad or e-mail for legal purposes. Either way make sure you and your daughter end up happy. We are all here for ya and the helis will always be around when your ready.

One mile of road will take you one mile. One mile of runway will take you anywhere in the world.

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11-18-2011 03:47 AM  6 years agoPost 14
Justin Stuart (RIP)

rrMaster

Plano, Texas

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It's amazing how fast they find another man. And then you look at that other guy and say, "why did she throw away all we had to be with him?" But there is nothing you can do about it. Lean on your friends. Spend time with your daughter. And sooner or later you'll find someone better.

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11-18-2011 06:17 AM  6 years agoPost 15
spaceman spiff

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Tucson

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Sounds a lot like my brother's first wife. He was always good to her, probably too good IMO, but at some point she just went nuts, decided he was the reason she was unhappy, she wanted a divorce. He ended up moving in with me for a year or so while she and her lawyer gave him every kind of hell imaginable. For quite a while he was stil trying to talk some sense into her, but it didn't work, until... the day came for her to sign the papers, she changed her mind. He discovered how horifying she could be during the divorce and told her there was no way in hell he could ever go back. Hardest time of his life, but it worked out for the best, he ended up with a great wife and family. The former wife turned around a bit, but never did get her life going again... very unhappy lady with no one to blame now. She had it good, but couldn't see it till it was gone.

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11-18-2011 06:30 AM  6 years agoPost 16
OICU812

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Edson, Alberta, Canada

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All good advice here, been there as well. It's the hardest thing to do to walk away and ignore. But as the old saying goes "what is meant to be, is meant to be", and it is certainly true. Hold your chin up high bud, whatever shakes out longterm will be what is right and things will get better for you, just like anything all takes time.

...Once upon a time there were Nitros, flybars and frequency pins...

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11-18-2011 06:39 AM  6 years agoPost 17
JasonJ

rrKey Veteran

North Idaho

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It's amazing how fast they find another man
It's not amazing at all. They were with that man before the relationship ended. Whenever you hear someone say they want to see other people they are actually saying they ARE seeing other people.

For the OP, it might just be time to walk away. Be a good father and let the wife twist in the wind. Sounds bad but unfortunately I have seen how this movie ends and it rarely ends well. Sucks to let a 16 year relationship end but if it isn't working for everyone involved then what's the point? Are you supposed to just kick back and watch her self destruct, just for her to find out all that awesome she is doing is actually just stupid crap? Do you exist just for her to screw around while you wait? What is your life worth? Is her screwing around (because all this boils down to her wanting to screw around) worth more than your life?

I'll tell you what you have to look forward to. Stress, distrust, fear, sadness, anger. I will tell you this, someone who is willing to put you through this isn't worth being with. How much does she care about you if screwing around and acting like a kid is more important than her family?

My first wife went through this. You will note that I said first wife. Not much more explanation that that needed.

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11-20-2011 03:21 PM  6 years agoPost 18
Bouchah

rrKey Veteran

Willow Spring, N. Carolina USA

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"Fire Proof" it is a movie about a couple having hard times and on the verge of divorce. The man talks to his dad about the situation and after a few days receives a book from his father. The book is a 40 day process. Every day is a new step added onto the prior days in an effort to change your behavior towards her. Not to be a jerk but we are only hearing your side of the story. Maybe there are some things that you may be able to do differently that will change things with her.
I have to warn you about the movie, it is a bit religious in some parts but if you are willing to try anything to save your marriage give it a look, you never know.

My wife thought there really was such a book if after you watch the movie and you want to try something like that. It is alot easier to just give up than to try harder.

Good luck to all three of you.

Blade 130x (5)
Trex 550 V2 (18)
Shuttle ZXX
Freya Xspec (20)

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11-20-2011 03:32 PM  6 years agoPost 19
Juggernaut

rrApprentice

Canada, Great White North

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I've know a few people with a mid life crises this mainly boils down to " What have I accomplished in my life time " then realize nothing or not much, as teens they had aspersions, as to what their future will be, but as the 40's approached, they feel like a failure, as they have not come close to what they have dreamed. Most people accept this and find alternatives, others just can't deal with this and go into a depression.



Finally learned to fly inverted, Helps if you stand on your head

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11-20-2011 05:23 PM  6 years agoPost 20
GREYEAGLE

rrElite Veteran

Flat Land's

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In ALL these post's :

Can anyone recognize the commonality of what is missing : NEUTRAL

greyeagle

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