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HomeOff Topics News & Politics › Political Jokes: post your favorite!
04-01-2009 10:26 PM  9 years agoPost 1
1stPlace

rrApprentice

Ohio USA

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John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”

Diejenigen, die nicht lernen aus den Fehlern der Vergangenheit bestimmt sind, zu wiederholen.

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04-01-2009 11:43 PM  9 years agoPost 2
baby uh1

rrVeteran

St. James, Mo.

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That isn't funny because it's true!

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about!

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04-02-2009 12:03 AM  9 years agoPost 3
GimbalFan (RIP)

rrProfessor

Big Coppitt Key, FL

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Favorite Political Jokes? That's easy!

Here's a few of mine:

Ron Hill, Rotor, Waldo, Monkey Nuttz, Baby Uh1 (huh?), George Matthews, SteveH, DiegoConsafos, McHammer (a joke all on its own), 11290, Dennis (another self-contained joke), JohnLund, HockeySew, Oakley (aka ZerOne plus 23 previous deleted/locked-out ID's) -- just to list a few. I could go on for days, but they already know who they are -- and you already get the point.

Every one of 'em provides laughs o'plenty -- especially when they imagine they've said something rational or relevant.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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04-02-2009 12:18 AM  9 years agoPost 4
JohnLund

rrNovice

Corpus Christi, TX

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Favorite Political Jokes? That's easy!

Here's a few of mine:

Ron Hill, McHammer (a joke all on its own), Waldo, Dennis, monkey nuttz, baby uh1, George Matthews, Rotor, diegoconsafos, SteveH, 11290, JohnLund, oakley (aka ZerOne plus 23 previous deleted/locked-out ID's), hockeysew -- just to mention a few.

Each and every one of 'em provides laughs o'plenty each and every time they imagine they've said something rational or relevant.
Good job continuing to show why you are irrelevent, you can't even keep on topic in a thread about jokes.

Ron's Heliproz South

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04-02-2009 12:21 AM  9 years agoPost 5
GimbalFan (RIP)

rrProfessor

Big Coppitt Key, FL

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To each his own, John. He asked for Favorite Political Jokes and I posted a few of mine (an incomplete list fo' sure). Thanks for proving my point again.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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04-02-2009 12:33 AM  9 years agoPost 6
Dennis (RIP)

rrApprentice

Oregon

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Hey GimbalNuts.

Have you found it yet?

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04-02-2009 12:34 AM  9 years agoPost 7
OzarkCopterBum

rrApprentice

Arkansas Ozarks

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Bush was in his office one day and an aide came in and said, Mr Bush! One thousand Brazilians were killed in mudslides today!

Bush looked really puzzled and sad for a moment, then turned to Cheney and said, how many IS a brazilion anyway??

Repo man's got all day and all night! Lets go get a drink!

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04-02-2009 12:43 AM  9 years agoPost 8
GimbalFan (RIP)

rrProfessor

Big Coppitt Key, FL

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Isn't George Dumbya Bush a three word Political Joke all by itself?

Of course it is.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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04-02-2009 01:20 AM  9 years agoPost 9
baby uh1

rrVeteran

St. James, Mo.

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OCB and Gimble nut were trying to screw in a light bulb. Lucky condoms come in extra small and don't conduct electricity!

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about!

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04-02-2009 01:27 AM  9 years agoPost 10
GimbalFan (RIP)

rrProfessor

Big Coppitt Key, FL

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condoms come in extra small
How sadly unsurprising that YOU would know that.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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04-02-2009 01:49 AM  9 years agoPost 11
1stPlace

rrApprentice

Ohio USA

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Ozark,
That one still makes me lol every time I hear it.

Come on guys, keep em' coming. There's millions of them.

Diejenigen, die nicht lernen aus den Fehlern der Vergangenheit bestimmt sind, zu wiederholen.

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04-02-2009 01:13 PM  9 years agoPost 12
SSN Pru

rrElite Veteran

Taxachusetts

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ROFL, a Brazillion, haha!

Stupidity can be cured. Ignorance is for life!

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04-02-2009 01:33 PM  9 years agoPost 13
JohnLund

rrNovice

Corpus Christi, TX

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Q. Why does it take Obama so long to get ready for a press conference?

A. He has to put make up on both faces!

Q. Why is Obama like a crooked TV preacher?

A. He talks a lot, delivers little and wants all your money.

Do you realize that President Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where President Clinton got his package stimulated?

President Obama took some banking and insurance executives out to dinner and told them, "Order whatever you want to drink, order whatever you want to eat, order some to take home, order some for your neighbors and make sure you all also get some dessert."

One of the executives exclaimed, "Mr. President, that's going to cost a fortune!" Obama replied, "Don't worry about it. We won’t be here when the check comes."

President Obama had two contractors come to the White House to give him bids on painting the Oval Office. The Republican painter offered to do the job 700 dollars. Obama then asked the Democrat if he could do better. The second painter answered, "Sure. I'll paint the Oval Office for 250,700 dollars." Obama was surprised at the figure and asked for an explanation so the painter replied, "That will be a 125,000 dollars in kickbacks for you, a 125,000 dollars in profits for me and then 700 dollars to subcontract the actual work to the Republican." Guess which contractor got the job?

Ron's Heliproz South

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04-02-2009 02:00 PM  9 years agoPost 14
hockeysew

rrApprentice

Co-USA

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How are an Obama supporter and a Picinic table different?

At least the Picinic table can support a family.

Gimbal- you remind me of a school teacher in the summer.......
NO CLASS

Liberals are like a "Slinky", useless but entertaining when pushed down stairs....

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04-02-2009 03:37 PM  9 years agoPost 15
minan

rrNovice

Janesville Wi. USA

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New Republican Definitions

alternative energy sources
n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.

bankruptcy
n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations

class warfare
n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

climate change
n. The day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

DeLay, Tom
n. 1. Past tense of De Lie 2. Patronage saint.

democracy
n. So extensively exported that the domestic supply is depleted.

Fox News
fict. Faux news.

free markets
n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

growth
n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.

habeas corpus
n. Archaic. (Lat.) Legal term no longer in use (See Patriot Act).

healthy forest
n. No tree left behind.

honesty
n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Freedom is on the march."

laziness
n. When the poor are not working.

leisure time
n. When the wealthy are not working.

liberal(s)
n. Followers of the Anti-christ.

neoconservatives
n. Nerds with Napoleonic complexes.

9/11
n. Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy. (see Terra, Terra, Terra)

No Child Left Behind
riff. 1. v. There are always jobs in the military.

ownership society
n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth.

Patriot Act
n. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.

pro-life
adj. Valuing human life until birth.

simplifiy
v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

staying the course
interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result.
voter fraud
n. A significant minority turnout.

Wal-Mart
n. The nation-state, future tense.

water
n. Arsenic storage device.

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04-02-2009 05:52 PM  9 years agoPost 16
derek533

rrApprentice

Edmond, Oklahoma

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Constipation Cure:

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:

"My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Al Gore"

If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.

There is no need to thank me for this advice, I'm
just doing a public service

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04-02-2009 06:01 PM  9 years agoPost 17
JohnLund

rrNovice

Corpus Christi, TX

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Constipation Cure:

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:

"My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Al Gore"

If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.

There is no need to thank me for this advice, I'm
just doing a public service
Good God man, he said jokes, not horror stories

Ron's Heliproz South

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04-02-2009 08:12 PM  9 years agoPost 18
kirk

rrVeteran

Northern, Colorado

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04-03-2009 12:44 AM  9 years agoPost 19
JohnLund

rrNovice

Corpus Christi, TX

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Ron's Heliproz South

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04-03-2009 12:54 AM  9 years agoPost 20
SSN Pru

rrElite Veteran

Taxachusetts

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rofl, john...

Stupidity can be cured. Ignorance is for life!

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HomeOff Topics News & Politics › Political Jokes: post your favorite!
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