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HomeOff Topics › Lucas Electric, jokes from blokes
03-07-2008 07:11 AM  10 years agoPost 1
Inspector Fuzz

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NLA

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If you ever had a chance to work on an older english car, you came to appreciate the unreliability of Lucas electrical equipment. Here are some jokes about it.
A Collection of Lucas Jokes

* The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim the "sudden, unexpected darkness"

* Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

* Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

* Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

* The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off. The other three switch settings - Smoke, Smolder and Burn.

* The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

* "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou...

* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

* Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo - It sank!

* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they meet too much resistance.

* Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, as they all look the same ?" "He replied, it does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"

*Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

* Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

* QA called and told the Engineering they had trouble with his design shorting out so he made the wires longer.

* Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

* Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: " Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

* Why do the English drink their beer WARM? Because their refrigerators are made by Lucas

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03-07-2008 08:39 AM  10 years agoPost 2
GimbalFan (RIP)

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Big Coppitt Key, FL

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In the mid '60's the Old Man had a Jaguar XKE not unlike this one. Seems it spent as much time being repaired as being driven. Not hard to imagine it was yet another victim of the lowdown Lucas 'Lectric curse.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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03-07-2008 12:35 PM  10 years agoPost 3
Arthur

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Wales. UK

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IFuzz, having had several English cars in the sixties, those comments are hilarious.

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03-07-2008 07:47 PM  10 years agoPost 4
Rotory Wings

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Poughkeepsie, NY USA

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Lucas: "The King Of Darkness"

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03-07-2008 07:55 PM  10 years agoPost 5
easyrider1

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motorhome

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sure wish the motor in my astro van was that easy to get to!

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03-07-2008 08:20 PM  10 years agoPost 6
TMoore

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Cookeville, TN

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I heard it was "Prince of Darkness".

TM

Delayed Response Operator Not Engaged
AMA SECTION 336 = Good
Drones = EVIL

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03-07-2008 08:25 PM  10 years agoPost 7
MPA

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Australia

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Ive been using "Prince of Darkness" since 1980, picked it up in a m/bike shop working as an apprentice we used to do some pomy bikes at, reluctantly.

That is "Joe Lucas, Prince of Darkness"

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03-07-2008 10:21 PM  10 years agoPost 8
Rotory Wings

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Poughkeepsie, NY USA

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Yeah, "Prince" has a better ring to it!

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03-07-2008 10:49 PM  10 years agoPost 9
Boidman (RIP)

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The Home Stretch

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The '57 MGA I bought long ago was reported to have spent its entire life in a quite often smoggy, and frequently hot and dry climate. As I learned, it became clear that if you looked at the cotton insulated wiring wrong, it would crumble away. It was a damn good thing that Lucas had that covered.

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