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HomeOff Topics › A little English lesson for those learning English...?
02-05-2008 09:12 PM  10 years agoPost 1
Escrima1

rrNovice

CA

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Something to think about!!

You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented inEngland or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brightenUP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UPthe leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UPexcuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP . When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP . One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so......... it is time to shut UP .!

Oh . . . one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U-P

I'm new, where is the reset button on this radio?

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02-05-2008 09:23 PM  10 years agoPost 2
9387ASH

rrElite Veteran

UK

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And then you have.....

American English !!!

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02-05-2008 09:34 PM  10 years agoPost 3
Tioli

rrVeteran

Kona, Hawaii

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Gough ghoti!

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02-05-2008 09:40 PM  10 years agoPost 4
easyrider1

rrNovice

motorhome

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how come you have to lay down to do sit-UPs?

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02-06-2008 12:26 AM  10 years agoPost 5
legoman67

rrElite Veteran

Nanoose Bay B.C, Canada

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after just writing a french exam in school, i found that pretty entertaining

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02-06-2008 01:18 AM  10 years agoPost 6
Yug

rrMaster

UK. Herts

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Hamburgers are made from ham; beefburgers are made from beef. However cockney is far more entertaining. ie....

'Allo me old china - wot say we pop round the Jack. I'll stand you a pig and you can rabbit on about your teapots. We can 'ave some loop and tommy and be off before the dickory hits twelve.
Got to my mickey, found me way up the apples, put on me whistle and the bloody dog went. It was me trouble telling me to fetch the teapots.

Vegetable rights and Peace

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02-06-2008 02:18 AM  10 years agoPost 7
AV8TOR

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Fort Worth, TX

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..........and you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway!

What’s the difference between Flammable and Inflammable?

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02-06-2008 02:31 AM  10 years agoPost 8
Brokenlink

rrElite Veteran

Oakdale

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when you buy a pair of pants,you only get one.But a girl buys A BRA.Same goes for a new TV set,only gettin one.

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02-06-2008 05:51 AM  10 years agoPost 9
GimbalFan (RIP)

rrProfessor

Big Coppitt Key, FL

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What’s the difference between Flammable and Inflammable?
That's downright sideways. Nonetheless, words are fun.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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02-06-2008 06:14 AM  10 years agoPost 10
Dood

rrProfessor

Wescanson

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This is originally from George Carlin.
If you're offended by George Carlin, dont bother.
If you're offended by a 4 letter "s" word, dont bother.

If not, click HERE for usage on the most functional word in the english language.

  ▲
▲ ▲

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02-06-2008 06:15 AM  10 years agoPost 11
legoman67

rrElite Veteran

Nanoose Bay B.C, Canada

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which witch is wich?

thats the best dood, i cant stop laughing

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02-06-2008 11:11 PM  10 years agoPost 12
3DFreak

rrNovice

USA

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a female dog

a female pain in the A#*!

B***H

I once heard about 3d flying,
"Doesn't anyone fly rightside up anymore?"

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02-08-2008 04:07 PM  10 years agoPost 13
Olli-Pekka Mahrberg

rrApprentice

Finland, Joensuu

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So you think English is difficult?

Here's some Finnish examples.

-op-

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02-08-2008 09:08 PM  10 years agoPost 14
Raptor3DPilot

rrKey Veteran

North Las Vegas, NV

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It's like:

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways??

If 7-11 is open 24hrs/day, 7 days/week, 365 days/year... why do they have locks on their door?

Remember when flying inverted that down is up and up is EXPENSIVE!

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02-08-2008 11:50 PM  10 years agoPost 15
Yug

rrMaster

UK. Herts

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It's a shame Latin is no longer taught apart from at private schools. It gives such a good technical understanding of structure among other things.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways
in the UK we don't have parkways . Roads are the norm to drive on unless you're drunk.

Vegetable rights and Peace

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