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HomeOff Topics Jokes-Puzzles-Riddles › What Men really mean ----part 1
04-01-2005 08:54 PM  13 years agoPost 1
Ted Toth

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Myrtle Beach S.C.

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"I'm going fishing."

Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Let's take your car."

Really means.... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."

"Woman driver."

Really means... "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."

Really means... "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea."

Really means... "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"

Really means... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me."

Really means... "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."

Really means... "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"I got a lot done."

Really means... "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."

Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Hey, I've read all the classics."

Really means... "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to."

Really means... "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means... "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."

Really means... "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."

Really means... "You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."

Really means... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work."

Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."


You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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