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12-06-2004 11:06 PM  13 years agoPost 1
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

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1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.

10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-06-2004 11:31 PM  13 years agoPost 2
daggit

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Claremont, MN

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OMG!! I have 2 loaves of bread in my cupboard AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

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12-06-2004 11:35 PM  13 years agoPost 3
Drunk Monk

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Preston, UK

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Thank god i ran out of bread 3-4 days ago


Stephen

I only open my mouth to change feet.....

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12-07-2004 12:30 AM  13 years agoPost 4
spaceman spiff

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Tucson

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Liquid bread is much better for you.

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12-07-2004 12:36 AM  13 years agoPost 5
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

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Thank god i ran out of bread 3-4 days ago
So Stephen are you taking spaceman spiff advice

.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-07-2004 12:54 AM  13 years agoPost 6
Drunk Monk

rrProfessor

Preston, UK

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Might be


Stephen

I only open my mouth to change feet.....

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12-07-2004 01:00 AM  13 years agoPost 7
rchelipilot121

rrNovice

Crap!! I'm here again!!

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I just read a report the other day that a study was conducted on people back around 1901 and 1902, they tested 500 people during that two year period. They tried to get in touch with them 2 months ago for a follow up, and EVERY SINGLE ON OF THEM IS DEAD!!! Everyone, stay away from bread!!!!

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12-07-2004 01:09 AM  13 years agoPost 8
Isaiahsdad

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Midwest City, Oklahoma

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I not only eat bread, but I have a bread maker and I make at least one loaf a week. I am a baaaaaaddd boy!!

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12-07-2004 01:19 AM  13 years agoPost 9
spaceman spiff

rrKey Veteran

Tucson

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Benefits of liquid bread
Disclaimer: 3 or more pints per evening may be needed for full benefit :

1. More than 98 percent of women look great (more than 3 can improve results).

2. Fully HALF of all liquid bread consumers are geniuses.

3. In the 1920's during prohibition, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. After 3 pints you can kick anybodys ass.

5. Liquid bread is non addictive. Have 10 or 12 one evening and easily not have another one for months on end without wanting another.

6. Liquid bread is a "gateway" food item, leading to unfamiliar places.

7. Liquid bread has been proven to be mostly water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that drinking liquid bread has renewing qualities.

8. Newborn babies cannot choke on liquid bread.

9. Liquid bread is fermented at comfortable temperatures.

10. Most Liquid bread consumers are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling

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12-07-2004 01:23 AM  13 years agoPost 10
tailrotordave

rrVeteran

Burbank, Ca

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Square meal, round can

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12-07-2004 06:14 AM  13 years agoPost 11
S_Owen

rrApprentice

Wichita Falls, TX.

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I don't eat bread, starches, sugar, etc.

I guess I'll live forever.

[b]Murphy's Constant:[/b] Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

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12-07-2004 05:54 PM  13 years agoPost 12
Isaiahsdad

rrApprentice

Midwest City, Oklahoma

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S_Owen....You Texans eat road kill though and that kinda negates all the healthy living!! (Now I was just kidding)

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12-07-2004 06:25 PM  13 years agoPost 13
wolfdad

rrKey Veteran

Southern Maryland

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Ted,
Man! I had been losing sleep fretting over this decision, however, man, I thank you....no more friggin' bread....we don' need no stinkin' bread.

wolfdad sends...

"There are those who have...and, those who will" IRCHA #2117, AMA #70068, Turbine Waiver #105

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