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HelicopterOff Topics › funny cop storys, post them here
12-30-2009 02:31 PM  7 years agoPost 1
helibuyer lesodell3

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springport mi usa

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CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (AP) - Chattanooga police said a couple they believe tried to steal a cart full of TVs and a computer caused chaos at a Walmart. According to a news release, Officer Josh Wright was off duty when he saw a man trying to force his way past a greeter with about $2,000 worth of stolen goods Sunday night. Wright displayed his badge, but the man said it was fake and tried to force his way past him. Wright then tackled the suspect and arrested him.

Then the suspect's wife, feigned a heart attack and said she did not know her husband.

After a witness told Wright the couple had been together in the store, the wife followed the witness into the parking lot and attacked her. The witness stabbed her in the arm with a pocket knife, and the wife had to be treated at a local hospital.

The male suspect was charged with theft over $1,000 and assault on a police officer. Charges against the wife were pending.

look under lesodell3 for feed back info

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12-30-2009 03:11 PM  7 years agoPost 2
ttsingram

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Lincoln, Ne

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A friend of mine was speeding down the interstate. A cop pulled him over of course. The officer asked my friend, "do you have any idea how fast you were going?" My friend replied, "why no, my speed odometer only goes up to 85." Needless to say the officer was not amused and my friend drove away with a ticket.

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12-30-2009 03:16 PM  7 years agoPost 3
jjeaster222000

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Bedford in

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i have a bud that works at Nashville metro.. he pulled over this woman and said.. "mam why are you in such a hurry Where is the fire?"

She replies and says "In my jeans and you don't have enough hose to put it out!!!"

i busted a gut when he told me that one lol

Team Synergy

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12-30-2009 05:31 PM  7 years agoPost 4
hockeysew

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Co-USA

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I have worked for a state DOT for 20+ years in street maintenance. As a result I have plowed snow for 20+ years. I usually worked the graveyard shift when plowing and as a result we really hustle to get the roads clear before morning.
One particular storm we had the driving lanes dry and the storm had broken.
I was "slopping out" turn lanes at about 20 m.p.h. around 4:30 AM one morning and get pulled over by a local cop. Now the majority of the cops we cruise by will hit their lights and wave and we get along well with them. We have a good working relationship with them.
When the cop that pulls me over walks up to my truck I can tell that he thinks he is the SH!T. I ask him "Whats up?" and he cops a total attitude and starts reading me the riot act and screaming that "I was going too fast for the road conditions" and on and on ranting and sounding like an ass. I looked at him when I handed him my license and info and started laughing. He asked what was so funny and I straight faced him and said nothing. I had noticed his badge number. Now you can tell how long a cop has been on the force by their badge number, usually it will either start or end with the year they came on the force. I noticed this clown had been on the force for less than a year.
Now I usually won't argue with a cop but.......
I asked him how it works if I get a ticket and it goes to court. He then tells me the spiel on how I would have to talk to the DA and that he(the cop) would have to go to court also.
At that point I said to him: "So I would have to go to the DA and explain to him how an officer with less than a year on the books wrote a 20+ year veteran of plowing state highways with no accidents and an exemplary record a ticket for "Driving too fast for conditions"?
Now who do you think the DA is going to see who is in the better place to evaluate road conditions?"

The cop got all flustered and gave me back my license and info and told me to "Slow the Hell down" and then turned to walk back to his car. Well he whipped open his door so fast he kneecapped himself and fell down. So there he is rolling on the ground clutching his knee. I got out and asked him if he was OK and he says:"Hell no!" He ends up calling for an ambulance and about 6 other cops show up. I heard his Sargent ask him what happened and he explained what had happened. The Sargent then added insult to injury. He asked him what the hell he was pulling a plow over for anyway. When the rookie told him the Sargent started laughing and looked at me and asked if that was true and I agreed.
Then the Sarge gave the cop the riot act for pulling over a plow. He said the only reason he could think of for pulling over a plow would be for hit and run on the Mayors car.
Funny thing is I ran into the same Sargent the next winter and asked him how his rookie was doing. "Well that punk is working at Best Buy now". We had a good laugh and the Sarge said the guy was a total Cluster F$%K as a cop and fractured his patella when the door smacked him. The Sarge also said the situation I had been involved in with him helped the Sarge show him the exit door from a career in law enforcement.

Some cops are alright......

Liberals are like a "Slinky", useless but entertaining when pushed down stairs....

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12-30-2009 05:57 PM  7 years agoPost 5
Liposition

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North Carolina

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Take into consideration that we were small kids living in a small town where there was no need to lock your doors when you went to bed at night. I remember the only shut exterior doors were screen doors and they were not locked. As I said we were small kids and we were in a group of about 5 or 6. We were out throwing eggs at peoples' houses. I know it was stupid but it was a common occurrence back then and you did not have to worry about getting shot like you do now. This where we all grew up so we knew all these backyards like the palm of our hand. A cop had parked his car down the road and walked so he could sneak up on us. Well, when he got close he turned on his flashlight and when we knew who it was we all took off in different directions. I happened to be the one that he decided to chase. I knew those yards very well so I was running full speed. I could see the beam of light from his flashlight bouncing where his arms were swinging while he was running after me. Then all of a sudden the beam of light shot straight up and then disappeared. I also noticed I was not being chased anymore. I was later questioned by my dad because he was told that a cop ran into a clothesline while chasing a kid through a backyard. I pled the fifth.

John 3:16

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12-30-2009 10:52 PM  7 years agoPost 6
classic

rrElite Veteran

All over the place!

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I got pulled over for speeding several years ago in KC, And trying to think of a good way to get out of the ticket I wondered "try and make the cop laugh" and maybe I wouldn't get a ticket??

So he walks up to the car and asks "where I was going in such a hurry"

I looked him right in the eye and "Well, my ex ran off with a cop a few months ago and I thought you were the same guy she ran off with trying to give her back!!"

I still got the ticket!

Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care!

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12-30-2009 11:28 PM  7 years agoPost 7
helibuyer lesodell3

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springport mi usa

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jjeaster222000

so did he give her the ticket ? or the hose

look under lesodell3 for feed back info

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12-30-2009 11:47 PM  7 years agoPost 8
FenwayRick

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Smyrna, De

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I wallpapered one wall in my bedroom with tickets when I was a kid. I have a few stories most did not end very well.

I got pulled over by a Maine State Trooper and it wasn't the first time this cop pulled me over so I knew the end result already. He gave me a ticket and said sign it on the bottom, as I started to roll up my window due to the fact that it was down pouring the officer grabbed my window and asked what the hell I was doing. I replied I don't sign anything without ready it...so I read it w o r d for w o r d as he just stood there.

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12-30-2009 11:58 PM  7 years agoPost 9
heffle

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Colorado Springs, Co

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ticketssss

Wife sent me to get doughnuts one cold and wet Saturday morning, on the way back got pulled over, the cop asked if I knew why, I pointed at the doughnuts next to me and said You could smell them?!?

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12-31-2009 01:52 AM  7 years agoPost 10
tom dubya

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st.louis

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Lol, this is becoming a great thread, keep'em coming.

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12-31-2009 02:12 AM  7 years agoPost 11
max232

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Pensacola

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A cop pulled me over once and asked me, Do you know why i stopped you?
I said it depends on how long you were following me

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12-31-2009 05:50 AM  7 years agoPost 12
Hughes500Pilot

rrKey Veteran

Anaheim, CA

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So there I was, a rookie cop rolling to a burglary in progress call (no lights and siren, thats only on TV - it scares the bad guys away). Dispatch reported two suspects had just broken into a car and were trying to get the stereo out.

I was only 30 seconds away and rolled up on them still in the car. I jumped out of my car holding my Remington 870 shotgun. I rack a round as they are getting out of the car. They hear that and just freeze (nothing like the sound of a 12 gauge being racked and the being pointed at you)!

They were hispanic, so my guess is they were spanish speakers. So, in my "command presence" voice, I shout Lavese Las Manos! They look at each other for a second and the start to rub their hands together...

I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with these to guys. Here I am pointing a shotgun at them and telling them to put their hands up in the air and they are rubbing them together. A second later my partner shows up. He runs up next to me with his gun pointed at them. At the same moment I again repeat PUT YOUR HANDS UP in spanish - Lavese Los Manos!

Instead of raising their hands, they both rub their hands together even faster... I mean business and these two are dicking around on me...

About 1/2 second later my partner starts to laugh his ass off. I'm like what the hell. He tells me that I'm ordering them to "wash their hands." I got Lavese Los Manos (wash your hands) confused with Manos Ariva (hands up).

I felt like a dumb ass... Ture story.

-Steve

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12-31-2009 05:51 AM  7 years agoPost 13
helibill

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London, Ontario, Canada

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I was driving home after flying helis at 9 pm at night. I drove past a big friggin bush and my headlights lit up the side of a cruiser behind the bush just as I passedit. I braked hard to slow down to 80 from 120+ km/h just in case she didn't have her radar gun ready. She pulls out behind me and follows me for a good 5 minutes before pulling me over. I pulld over and shut off the car and turned the inside light on and kept both of my hands on the steering wheel. She came over and because of my actions, assumed I was a criminal. She's all like, "How many tickets have you gotten before?" I replied none and she went and checked it out and I had none. She scared the **** out of me and said she was giving me a 400$ ticket and 6 demerit points. Then after she made me **** my pants, she reduced it to 15 km/h over the limit which is only 50$ and no demerit points. After getting the ticket, I got back on the road and almost wrecked the car and killed myself because I was so upset.

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12-31-2009 06:44 AM  7 years agoPost 14
Gearhead

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Vt

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while not funny, here is one,,

well back in the 80s I had a 71 Nova SS with a newly rebuilt L79 327 Vett Engine in it, so 1 night my friend and I went zipping around looking for a race, keep in mind I had raced that car many times,,, well we were going right along threw the gears but not squeal the tires when the Blue lights came on, my friend and I freaked-out as we looked at each other, I wasn't thinking we just flew by the Police Station at about 70 on a 30 MPH posted side street,,

so here I'm freaking/thinking the Cops are going to Inpound my car and slam me in the slammer,, so the Cop comes up and with my window down he grabs a hold of my Door with both hands (arms stretched-out) and he starts looking left and then right, then again left and right looking up and down the street, I didn't say a word,

well the Cop looks right at me and says to me "now what you got to be going up threw there like that for, I know who you are and I know this car is fast, I've seen this car flying around before, but you ant got to be going up threw there like that,,, I'm~ yes sir, yes sir your right, I wasn't thinking I just wasn't thinking sir",,

the cop (with his arms still stretched-out) looks at me for about a 10 count then he turns and walks back to his car a drives away,, I look at my friend and we didn't say anything, I just drove away slowly,, I was lucky that night for sure and I learnd the night to drive slower inside the city !!

god I miss that Nova !!

Jim
Buzz Buzz Buzz

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01-04-2010 06:27 AM  7 years agoPost 15
u8mydog

rrNovice

Ottawa, Ont

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A cop pulls my mom over for speeding. She's concerned and says "My husband will be very upset when he finds out I got a speeding ticket". The cop looked at her license, laughs, and then said "I don't think he will be upset. I spoke with your husband about 10min ago".

..blades../b400/trex500/rap30/knight50

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01-04-2010 01:43 PM  7 years agoPost 16
FenwayRick

rrApprentice

Smyrna, De

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I got pulled over by a Trooper and when he got up to my window, I asked if he was gonna try selling me some tickets to the Trooper's Ball.
The Trooper said, Troopers don't have balls. When he realized what he said he just walked back to his car and drove off.

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01-04-2010 03:36 PM  7 years agoPost 17
1stPlace

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Ohio USA

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One day on my way to school, I stopped to get a donut and a cup of coffee. Running late, I was doing 40 in a 25 zone. As I'm taking a sip of coffee, I realize that i just sped passed a cop with his radar out. I yelled "Sh*t!" and slowed down. Sure enough, the cop pulls out with his lights on and pulls me over.

He walks up to my truck and asks "do you know how fast you were going?" I was just about to answer him, when suddenly he opens the door and sternly tells me to step out of the vehicle. Surprised, I asked "what's going on?". He asks me what the white powder under my nose was, and if I had anymore drugs in the vehicle.

I started laughing and said "No! no officer, it's from the jelly filled powdered donut I was eating". He looked in the truck and saw the 1/2 eaten donut. I said "I don't want any trouble. Just take the donut!" After what seemed like an eternity of silence, the cop chuckled, shook his head, told me to slow it down and walked back to his car.

Diejenigen, die nicht lernen aus den Fehlern der Vergangenheit bestimmt sind, zu wiederholen.

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01-04-2010 07:29 PM  7 years agoPost 18
DustinB

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Houston, TX

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This didn't happen to me, happened to a friend of mine who is actually a cop now.

He was doing about 65 in a 30 mph residential area one night when he zipped by a cop stopping cars for speeding complaints. The cop walks up to the car and says, "boy, I've been waiting for you all night". My friend replies, "I'm sorry sir, I got here as fast as I could".

He said the cop just laughed his butt off and said that was the best he ever heard. Let him off with a warning. Don't know how true it is, but knowing this guy's quickness for spouting out something funny I believe it.

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01-05-2010 12:40 AM  7 years agoPost 19
bowman

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Rumson NJ

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So he walks up to the car and asks "where I was going in such a hurry"

I looked him right in the eye and "Well, my ex ran off with a cop a few months ago and I thought you were the same guy she ran off with trying to give her back!!"
LMFAO!!!!

I certainly was in the right! .....( toecutter at the spot) Phalanxman 6

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01-05-2010 01:06 AM  7 years agoPost 20
SSN Pru

rrElite Veteran

Taxachusetts

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a friend of mine told me he got pulled over one night. The officer walked up to his window and said,

"Son, your eyes are red, have you been doing drugs?"

My friend looks at the officer and says

"Officer, your eyes are looking a bit glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

He told me he wasn't doing drugs and got a ticket for speeding...

Stupidity can be cured. Ignorance is for life!

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