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12-02-2005 03:50 AM  12 years agoPost 1
Billingsnutz

rrApprentice

Summerville South Carolina/Mobile Alabama

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw f__ you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games

The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather- peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in the car.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.


I think a cute idea would be about a parrot who is raised with eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After awhile though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He sees two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe, but the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed, and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."

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12-02-2005 12:37 PM  12 years agoPost 2
Hawk4flyer

rrApprentice

Deland,Florida

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This post could have used more pornography in it.

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12-02-2005 04:33 PM  12 years agoPost 3
Paul the Froggy

rrNovice

France

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And something funny to laugh about !.

35 of modelling planes helis etc i live in the south of France

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12-02-2005 04:40 PM  12 years agoPost 4
cudaboy_71

rrElite Veteran

sacramento, ca, u.s.

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heya froggy. these are only funny in context. i'm guessing you never watched 'saturday night live' in the '90s. jack handy was pure gold.

however, a little more cowbell wouldnt hurt.

if it ain't broke, break it.

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12-02-2005 06:49 PM  12 years agoPost 5
A. Bundy

rrElite Veteran

Aurora,IL. 30W/SW of Chicago

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MORE cowbell!

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12-02-2005 09:25 PM  12 years agoPost 6
GimbalFan (RIP)

rrProfessor

Big Coppitt Key, FL

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I've got an itch -- an itch in my ear -- and the only thing that'll scratch it is MORE COWBELL! -- Bruce Dickenson. Yes, THE Bruce Dickenson. I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else. Only difference is, once my pants are on I MAKE HIT RECORDS.

op-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop-t

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