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HelicopterOff Topics Jokes-Puzzles-Riddles › the cheezy joke forum
12-10-2004 11:22 PM  13 years agoPost 81
JRMAN

rrVeteran

Macedon, New York

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Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop, one fly farts.
The other fly shouts hay…. can’t you see I’m eating?



The less time I have the more I get done.

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12-11-2004 06:22 AM  13 years agoPost 82
wblteen

rrApprentice

Menasha, WI

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did you hear about the new pirate movie??

it's rated aaarrrrr!!

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12-11-2004 09:33 AM  13 years agoPost 83
RotorX

rrKey Veteran

London

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what do you call a man with a shovel in his back.........doug

what do you call a man without a shovel in his back .........dougless

what do you call a man with a seagul on his head ....cliff

what do you call a man with a peice of wood in his head....... edwood

what do you call a man with two peices of wood in his head edwood wood wood

what do you call a man with a invoice on his back....bill

what do you call a man who walks on leaves..............russell

what do you call a man who stans between two houses......ali

what do you call a man with a piece of ham on his head standing in between two houses...........ahmed ali

what do you call a man with two pieces of ham on his head standing in between two houses. mo-ahmed ali

what do you call a man with two pieces of ham on his head standing in between two houses with a vibrator up his a$$......sheik mo-ahmed ali


more later

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12-11-2004 09:37 AM  13 years agoPost 84
YSRRider

rrElite Veteran

usa

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ok the joke goes like this........ 2 midgets walk into a bar... the 3rd one ducked!


2 blondes walk into a building

you'd think one of them would have seen it!

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12-12-2004 04:17 PM  13 years agoPost 85
zagidave

rrApprentice

uk.(north london)

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what do you get if you cross a masachist with a jersey cow?

self whipping cream!

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12-12-2004 04:34 PM  13 years agoPost 86
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

A hamburger walks into a bar,

and the bartender says,


"I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

· What do you feed an invisible cat?


· Evaporated milk.
·
·---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship

carrying blue paint?


Both crews were marooned.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a hot dog stand?

Take away its chair.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
·

A receding hare-line


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-12-2004 05:22 PM  13 years agoPost 87
daggit

rrElite Veteran

Claremont, MN

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What's peg-legged pirates' favorite place to eat breakfast?

the AYEEEE-HOP.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

What's a pirates favorite place to eat lunch?

ARRRRby's

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12-12-2004 05:26 PM  13 years agoPost 88
daggit

rrElite Veteran

Claremont, MN

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no arms, no legs
what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the water?


Bob.
------------------------------------------------------------------
what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole?


Phil.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs by the Grand Canyon?


Cliff.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?


Art.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
what do you call TWO guys with no arms and no hanging in a window?


Curt and Rod.

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12-12-2004 06:15 PM  13 years agoPost 89
Drunk Monk

rrProfessor

Preston, UK

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How do you make a baby go to sleep?

Put it on the edge of the bed and they soon drop off


Stephen

I only open my mouth to change feet.....

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12-12-2004 07:06 PM  13 years agoPost 90
FENMAN

rrApprentice

CAMBS UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

I steal all hehe


When Noah built his ark, he had two snakes aboard. When the animals were leaving, he said, "Go forth and multiply."

The snakes didn't move.

"Go forth and multiply!"

They still didn't move.

Noah was yelling by now. "

Go forth and multiply!" "We can't," they answered.

Noah was confused. "Why not?"

"We're adders."

.

MEMBER OF THE 601 CREW!!!! QUICK UK RULES......

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12-12-2004 08:36 PM  13 years agoPost 91
Topher

rrVeteran

Rochester, Michigan

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What is merry short for?
-Cause shes got no legs

Why did the kid fall of his bike?
-he got hit by a refrigerator

How do you make your anty freeze
-hide her night gown

So theres a pirate with steering wheel down the front of his pants. The pirate walks into the bar and the bar tender asks: "Why do you have a steering wheel down the front of your pants?". The pirate replys with AARRRRR! Its driven me nuts!

So one day in the north poll theres a penguin driving his car. And then his car brakes down and he gets it towed to a shop. The mechanic says its gonna be about an our so the penguin goes to a ice cream parlor and eats some vanilla ice cream. The penguin comes back and asks the mechanic what is wrong with his car. The mechanic says "well it looks like you blew a seel" And then penguin replys "No its just ice cream".

will wash your heli for a quarter

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12-12-2004 08:44 PM  13 years agoPost 92
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

What kind of pizza do pilots like?

Plain


------------------------------------------------
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

They all have phones

-----------------------------------------------
What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its
circumference by its diameter?

Moon pi.

-----------------------------------------------------------------


What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference
by its diameter?


Cow pi.

--------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you take a gourd and divide its circumference by its diameter?


Pumpkin pi.


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-12-2004 10:05 PM  13 years agoPost 93
YSRRider

rrElite Veteran

usa

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let it be known that RED and BLUE makes PURPLE... not MAROON!!!!!

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12-14-2004 03:02 AM  13 years agoPost 94
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Christmas Groaners
What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph

Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a
chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about
their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbonhood

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog.


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-15-2004 07:06 PM  13 years agoPost 95
zagidave

rrApprentice

uk.(north london)

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why did the two boa constrictors get together?


they had a crush on each other.


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12-17-2004 08:43 PM  13 years agoPost 96
zagidave

rrApprentice

uk.(north london)

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any one know where webbsend?

next to the spiders ass!

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12-17-2004 09:10 PM  13 years agoPost 97
YSRRider

rrElite Veteran

usa

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

why did the condom cross the road?

because it was pissed off!

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12-19-2004 04:45 PM  13 years agoPost 98
rchelipilot121

rrNovice

Crap!! I'm here again!!

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?
They paint their toenails red.

...What, you've never seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree? See? It WORKS.

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12-19-2004 04:49 PM  13 years agoPost 99
rchelipilot121

rrNovice

Crap!! I'm here again!!

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Why do ducks have flat feet?
They're for putting out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
They're for putting out burning ducks.

So this polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a gin.................................... and tonic."
Bartender says, "Sure, pal, but what's with the big pause?"
"Oh, I've always had them."


An English guy, a Scottish guy and an Irish guy all walk into a pub. The each order a beer. A big bug lands in the English guy's drink. He says, "Oh dear. I'll have to order another." A big bug lands in the Scottish guy's drink. He doesn't say anything, just drinks the beer, bug and all. A huge bug lands in the Irish guy's drink. He reaches into his drink, pulls out the bug ans shouts at it, "Speeet eeeet out! Speeet eeeet out!"

What'd the fish say when he ran into a wall?
Dam.

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12-19-2004 05:10 PM  13 years agoPost 100
rchelipilot121

rrNovice

Crap!! I'm here again!!

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully last week at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

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