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HelicopterOff Topics Jokes-Puzzles-Riddles › the cheezy joke forum
12-09-2004 12:49 AM  13 years agoPost 61
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

for Peter
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-09-2004 12:53 AM  13 years agoPost 62
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?


They all have phones.


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-09-2004 12:54 AM  13 years agoPost 63
Sweatum

rrApprentice

Daytona Beach, Fl.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Hey! Drunk monk, you've got no room to talk. Those prose you've been sending out have a deffinate air about them.

It's hard to hit the auto s/w

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12-09-2004 12:55 AM  13 years agoPost 64
S_Owen

rrApprentice

Wichita Falls, TX.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk?


No? Really?? You've got to be kidding me, it's all over town!


Have you heard the joke about the vacuum cleaner?

Meh, nevermind, it sucks.

[b]Murphy's Constant:[/b] Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

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12-09-2004 02:53 AM  13 years agoPost 65
Raptor3DPilot

rrKey Veteran

North Las Vegas, NV

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

What's green and smells like pork???


Kermit's Finger!!

Remember when flying inverted that down is up and up is EXPENSIVE!

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12-09-2004 03:11 AM  13 years agoPost 66
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Kermit's Finger!!
I like that


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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12-09-2004 04:52 PM  13 years agoPost 67
WMac

rrVeteran

Skotlande

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Once upon a time there was a very large office building in a very large city. This building had 40 levels: level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40.

One day the owner of the building decided to get a PA system installed on every level, in case there was ever a fire and everyone in the building needed to be contacted at once. The system was installed on every level: level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40.

One day, an employee named John was doing some paperwork on the 21st level when he saw the pager for the PA system in his boss's office. He could not resist. He picked up the pager, turned it on, cleared his throat, and told a joke. It was funniest joke anyone in the building had ever heard. They were rolling in the aisles, laughing their heads off. The accountants on level 3 were in tears. The engineers on level 34 were in hysterics. In fact, workers on every level -- level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40 -- could not stop laughing.

He walked out the door of his boss's office, feeling all proud of himself, when who should he run into but his boss. "John, come with me now!" John relunctantly followed his boss back into his office. His boss looked at him with fury in his eyes. "John," he said, "your joke was very disruptive to the workers in this building! Productivity was decreased on level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40! You're fired! Clean out your desk and get out!"

But then his frown softened and he added, "Still, I have to admit, that joke was funny on so many levels."
Worst. Joke. Ever.

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Will


Beep Beep! One Road Travel, with Dominic Byrne!

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12-09-2004 07:18 PM  13 years agoPost 68
Drunk Monk

rrProfessor

Preston, UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

How do you get rid of a boomerang?

Throw it down a one way street!


Stephen

I only open my mouth to change feet.....

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12-10-2004 06:40 AM  13 years agoPost 69
caz

rrApprentice

Warwickshire

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, man, I'm a panda! Look it up!"

The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda, "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

You're only young once; you can be immature forever.

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12-10-2004 01:40 PM  13 years agoPost 70
RotorX

rrKey Veteran

London

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

How do you get a leper out of the bath
with a sieve

Two lepers playing cards
One threw his hand in the other laughed his head off

Two lepers havig a boxing match
one threw a punch the other one caught it

Why did the baker rob the bank
He needed the dough.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?
A hobby horse

What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me

Why couldn't the woman buy a bakery shop?
She couldn't raise enough dough.


Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.


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12-10-2004 03:53 PM  13 years agoPost 71
nheather

rrKey Veteran

Horsham, West Sussex, UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

A leper had just finished with a prostitute
Told her to keep the tip

Cheers,

Nigel

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12-10-2004 04:05 PM  13 years agoPost 72
Rob Shaw

rrVeteran

Egham, Surrey, UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Two cows in a field, one says to the other " What do you make of this Mad Cows Disease ?? ", The other one says " It dont affect me mate, Im a Helicopter ! "


A man is driving happily along when he's pulled over by the police, The policeman approaches him and politely asks " Have you been drinking sir ? ".... " Why ! " says the man, " Is there a Fat bird in my car ? "


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12-10-2004 04:09 PM  13 years agoPost 73
Rob Shaw

rrVeteran

Egham, Surrey, UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

One day Dracula is walking down the road when suddenly he's bombarded with - Sausage Rolls, Cocktail Sausages, Pizza Slices, Crisps & Chicken Nuggets,

" Oh No ! " he gasp's with his dying breath, "It's BUFFET the Vampire Slayer "


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12-10-2004 04:18 PM  13 years agoPost 74
Rob Shaw

rrVeteran

Egham, Surrey, UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Early one morning, a milkman knocks on someones door to collect the milk money. A little boy answers the door with a huge Havana cigar in one hand, a bottle of beer in the other & a half naked Hooker standing next to him .

The milkman asks the boy " Is your mummy or daddy in ? ".

The boy replies " Does it Bloody look like it !! "


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12-10-2004 05:12 PM  13 years agoPost 75
Jimnastik

rrNovice

Ohio

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Did you hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac?


He just lays awake at night wondering if there's a DOG.

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12-10-2004 05:13 PM  13 years agoPost 76
Drunk Monk

rrProfessor

Preston, UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

How about the dyslexic devil worshipper, who sold his soul to Santa...........


Stephen

I only open my mouth to change feet.....

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12-10-2004 05:58 PM  13 years agoPost 77
CrashExpert

rrApprentice

Scotland

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

What do you call a Chinese woman with no legs?


Dragon Lips



Crash
601 Crew Member
Your about to be Cloned!!!!

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12-10-2004 05:59 PM  13 years agoPost 78
coops

rrApprentice

Bradford UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

and then..........
2 Snowmen stood in a field....................


one says to the other..............


can you smell carrots????

When life hands you lemons......pass the tequila baby !!

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12-10-2004 07:03 PM  13 years agoPost 79
Buzzin Brian

rrProfessor

College Station, Texas

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

What does an elephant use for a tampon???????????? A sheep.

What does an elephant use for a vibrator???????????And epileptic.

How many union members does it take to change a light buld?????8! Why do you have a problem with that?

How do you break a Polocks finger????????? Easy, you hit him in the nose!

Where is an elephants sex organs???????? In his feet. If he steps on you, you are screwed!

How many flys does it take to screw in a light bulb???????? Two. But don't ask me how they got in there.

Build it, fly it, crash it. Repeat as often as needed.

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12-10-2004 10:59 PM  13 years agoPost 80
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Did you hear about the Swedish guy who found God after rehab?

He was a bjorn-again Christian.

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Why are elephants big, wrinkled, grey, and hairy?

Because if they were small, smooth, white, and hairless, they'd be aspirin tablets!

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What do you call Robin Hood's mother?


Mother Hood


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What do giraffes have that no other animal has?

Baby giraffes.


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.


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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