RunRyder RC
 1  Topic Subscribe
WATCH
 1 page 480 views
HelicopterOff Topics › Christmas With Louise
12-07-2004 04:35 AM  13 years agoPost 1
Peter65

rrKey Veteran

Roxby Downs, South Australia.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on
Granny, hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise
had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health!

Laughing at yourself will lengthen your life. Laughing at me will shorten it...

PM  EMAIL  HOMEPAGE  GALLERY  Attn:RR  Quote
12-07-2004 04:44 AM  13 years agoPost 2
Isaiahsdad

rrApprentice

Midwest City, Oklahoma

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Peter, that has to be the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time. I think the mental picture of this event happening did it for me. Thanks!!

PM  EMAIL  HOMEPAGE  GALLERY  Attn:RR  Quote
12-07-2004 04:45 AM  13 years agoPost 3
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself.
"Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health!
Great lines this has to be your best work ever

I have to bow down to the great Peter


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

PM  EMAIL  HOMEPAGE  GALLERY  Attn:RR  Quote
12-07-2004 04:50 AM  13 years agoPost 4
Peter65

rrKey Veteran

Roxby Downs, South Australia.

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Credit where credit's due Ted. I have to give it to my Ex.

Do you think she is trying to tell me something

Laughing at yourself will lengthen your life. Laughing at me will shorten it...

PM  EMAIL  HOMEPAGE  GALLERY  Attn:RR  Quote
12-07-2004 01:51 PM  13 years agoPost 5
daren

rrVeteran

Hampshire Sponsored by Quick UK

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

Thanks for posting pete, Had tears after reading it.

Daren
Using the ground to reverse engineer

PM  EMAIL  HOMEPAGE  GALLERY  Attn:RR  Quote
12-07-2004 02:23 PM  13 years agoPost 6
Dan C

rrApprentice

Barnsley, Yorkshire

My Posts: All  Forum  Topic

I was given an inflateable sheep from the last place I worked when I left and try explaining to inlaws why a grandchild is playing with a sheep in suspenders ( hes three )

PM  EMAIL  GALLERY  Attn:RR  Quote
WATCH
 1 page 480 views
HelicopterOff Topics › Christmas With Louise
 Print TOPIC  Make Suggestion 

 1  Topic Subscribe

Thursday, January 18 - 8:12 am - Copyright © 2000-2017 RunRyder   EMAILEnable Cookies

Login Here
 New Subscriptions 
 Buddies Online