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10-20-2004 12:41 AM  13 years agoPost 1
Peter65

rrKey Veteran

Roxby Downs, South​Australia.

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Andy Rooney on Monica Lewinski:

Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.

=================================

Andy Rooney on Vegetarians:

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter"

=================================

Andy Rooney On Prisoners:

Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

================================

Andy Rooney On Morning Differences:

Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve

Laughing at yourself will lengthen your life. Laughing at me will shorten it...

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10-20-2004 12:57 AM  13 years agoPost 2
Buzzin Brian

rrProfessor

College Station,​Texas

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I like the last one a lOT. That is funny stuff.

Build it, fly it, crash it. Repeat as often as needed.

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10-20-2004 03:47 PM  13 years agoPost 3
Drunk Monk

rrProfessor

Preston, UK

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That last one is definately the best


Stephen

I only open my mouth to change feet.....

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10-20-2004 03:51 PM  13 years agoPost 4
Ted Toth

rrElite Veteran

Myrtle Beach S.C.

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true so true


.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

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10-21-2004 05:32 AM  13 years agoPost 5
duraace9sp

rrApprentice

los angeles area

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LOL

---i think i like rooney!!!
LOL

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10-21-2004 09:36 AM  13 years agoPost 6
Adam Crane

rrApprentice

Warwickshire uk

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The last one was funny lol

Sponsored By ~ Mikado ~Revolution Models~NHP Blades~Team Flight Power /Flight Tech

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10-21-2004 01:21 PM  13 years agoPost 7
cjw

rrVeteran

UK - Cheshire

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Very funny,

And here's some more:

Andy Rooney on Phone-in-Polls:

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know". It costs 90 cents to call up and vote . . . They're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into phone) I DON'T KNOW! (hangs up, looking proud) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95. (into phone) "I'm not in the mood."

Andy Rooney on Cripes:

My wife's from the midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' — 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

Andy Rooney on Grandma:

My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

Andy Rooney on Answering Machines:

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi! It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.'" Beep. "Uh, yeah . . . this is the VD clinic calling . . . Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love."

However..... these are probably not from Rooney see here:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney3.asp


Clive

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