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HelicopterOff Topics › How to give a cat a pill
04-26-2004 04:48 PM  13 years agoPost 1
G.Man

rrProfessor

Bristol

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1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to partner's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-Shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the @#%! cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak fillet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters..........

How to give a dog a pill

1) Wrap it in bacon.


Been there have scars to prove it

Don't Email me as I wont reply - PM Only (spam countermeasures)

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04-26-2004 04:51 PM  13 years agoPost 2
AGRAV8

rrProfessor

Mosquito Coast......Houston Texas

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ROFLMMFAO

Almost as good as how to bathe a cat. Thanks !

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04-26-2004 04:58 PM  13 years agoPost 3
RotorX

rrKey Veteran

London

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G, that was funny

I had to give me mother in law's cat some worming tablets, i just wrapped the cat in a towel (this is a must) and then put some water in my mouth and as described in #1 squeezed the cats mouth open and put the pill in and then spat the water in cats mouth and then close the mouth, and blocked nose and mouth - the cat had to swallow - bingo, needless to say the cat will not come near me - hehehe.

Thank god for the new fluid version of the wormer

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04-26-2004 05:17 PM  13 years agoPost 4
yzchopper

rrApprentice

Basin City, Washington USA

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The easy way to give a cat a pill.
#1 Get some food for the cat to eat.
#2 Break up the pill. (smash it, grind it up, or whatever it takes)
#3 Put the (smashed, ground up) pill in the food.
#4 Mix well
#5 Serve the food to the cat.
#6 Get your face damp, put some flour on your face.
#7 Get beer and open and sit infront of TV w/ remote.
#8 Tell the wife/gf that she gets to do the next pill.

Steve

People Fly Planes Pilots Fly Helicopters

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04-27-2004 05:05 AM  13 years agoPost 5
classic

rrElite Veteran

All over the place!

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Chopper that crap don't work
I tried that, the lil'basterd ate all the tuna and spit out all the little pill fragments

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04-27-2004 06:58 AM  13 years agoPost 6
Gearhead

rrMaster

Vt

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put it up it's butt


Jim

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04-27-2004 12:46 PM  13 years agoPost 7
RotorX

rrKey Veteran

London

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Chopper that crap don't work
You got that right, they may be pets, but they aint dumb

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